Column: The buzz around town

Dear readers,

I heard from many of you after last week’s column introducing Café Sway. The message was received loud and clear.

Apparently, my little weekly nostalgia trips about the Shelbyville of my youth are as well worn as the wingtips Ben Michael sold me at Hub Shoes in 1978.

So, by popular demand, I once again sharpened my Ticonderoga No. 2 pencil and ventured out into present day Shelbyville.

Enjoy!

Get Fit or Go Postal:

In some baffling news, the drive-thru mailbox behind the post office has vanished. Some folks suspect it’s a clandestine plot by our new U.S. Secretary of Health, Robert Kennedy Jr., to combat America’s sedentary lifestyle.   

Now instead of lazily lobbing envelopes from the comfort of your car, you must park and walk to the mailbox out front.  For those who desire more of a workout, the post office has installed a ramp designed to really work those calves.

I missed the curbside convenience of the drive-thru, but I’ll admit the exercise from walking around front to mail a letter was good for me.

Next week, I plan to increase my workout to include the ramp. Loyal reader Mary Eads demonstrates proper use of the ramp in today’s photo.

Out with The Helbing, In with The Stafford? 

The great Helbing debate has settled like dust on a thrift-store knickknack. Our beloved 40-foot stainless steel enigma (officially titled Blue River; Wind, Rain, and Water), but affectionally known as “The Helbing” is moving to the park.

Now the town’s burning question: What will fill the circular concrete space when The Helbing is gone?

Rumor has it that local renaissance man Bill Stafford is crafting a new sculpture for the spot. Bill’s masterpiece is tentatively titled, Water, Trees, and Flowers.

Given that it’ll sit along the people trail, where locals and tourists alike commune with nature, the name feels fitting. 

But let’s be honest: if history repeats itself, no one will call Bill’s sculpture by its official name.  So, will it be dubbed “The Stafford?”

Unlikely according to a philosopher who was recently holding court at Willie Farkle’s. The philosopher, who asked to remain anonymous, claimed to have seen a sketch of Bill’s sculpture.  He predicts the sculpture will most likely be known by its acronym.

Imagine tourists pausing mid-stride on the people trail, squinting, and upon seeing the sculpture, declaring WTF!

See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.