Dear readers,
Among the Christmas cards and thank you notes for last week’s eggnog recipe, I found an envelope that appeared to have been addressed by a child.
I wasn’t born yesterday. In fact, I was born during the Eisenhower administration. Remembering how those sneaky fraternity boys were always fooling Ann Landers with fake letters, I suspected it might be a prank.
You can’t be too careful these days. You couldn’t be too careful in the good old days either. I once was very disappointed with a pair of X-ray specs purchased during the Kennedy administration from a comic book advertisement. Maybe the X-ray specs will be a topic for another column.
Anyway, not wanting to be fooled by a prankster, I looked up the return address. With a little shoe leather and some old-fashioned investigative journalism, I determined that the letter was authentic.
Enjoy!
Dear Kris,
I am eight years old. I heard some grownups say that there was no Santa Claus. My grandpa always says, “If you read it in A View From My Schwinn, it’s so.”
Please let me know. Is there a Santa Claus?
Sincerely,
Griffin
P.S. I enclosed a photo of me visiting “The Helbing.”
Dear Griffin,
Long ago there was a guy almost as smart as your grandpa. His name was Socrates. Socrates famously said, “there’s nothing new under the sun.”
It turns out, he was right.
Way back in 1897, during the McKinley administration, a little girl named Virginia O’Hanlon wondered if Santa Claus was real. Like you, she wrote a letter to a newspaper. Her letter was to the editor of a newspaper called The New York Sun.
The editor was an old guy by the name of Francis Pharcellus Church and his reply is legendary. He rattled on and on about love, generosity, devotion, and faith. He finally got to the point and said that Santa exists in the hearts of children.
Grownups thought old editor Church’s answer was exceptionally clever. His answer to Virginia has been printed and reprinted in newspapers all over the United States for years.
I doubt if little Virginia O’Hanlon thought the editor’s answer was all that clever. She didn’t want a bunch of metaphors wrapped up in an allegory. Just like you, she wanted a simple answer to a simple question.
Well Griffin, you have come to the right place. The answer is simple. Yes, there is a Santa Claus.
But wait, there’s more! I have something much better for you than editor Church had for Virginia. I have an anecdote.
A few days before Christmas during the Kennedy Administration, I was feeling a little anxious. I hadn’t exactly been on my best behavior that year. So, I was a little worried about Santa checking his "naughty or nice" list twice like the song claims.
I was expecting only a lump of coal in my stocking. On Christmas morning I was really surprised. Santa had left me a sled. It was as nice as "Rosebud," the sled he famously left for Charles Foster Kane when he was a little boy
Griffin, I hope you liked my story. Thanks for visiting “The Helbing.” Also, never waste your money on either sea monkeys or X-ray specs.
Merry Christmas from all of us at Giant FM. May your holidays be filled with wonder, joy, and the magic of Santa Claus.
See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.
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