Column: A tale of two Spaniards

Dear readers,

I’ve been writing my column for over 30 years, and only recently did my first Spaniard make an appearance. It was none other than Hernando DeSoto, the 16th-century Spanish conquistador.

I met Hernando as a hood ornament on a DeSoto automobile. Famous for conquering the Inca civilization in South America, I imagine he never pictured his legacy culminating in a chrome likeness bolted to an American car hood 500 years later.

Still, his Conquistador Couture looked cool; uniform, helmet, breastplate, and all. Sharp as ever, Hernando.

This week, I welcome Spaniard number two, Adriana Canales Somolinos. Unlike DeSoto, she is very much among the living.

Adriana is a 21^st century subject of King Felipe VI from Madrid.  She was staying with my son, Trent, his wife, Jenny, and their three daughters, June, Rose and Pearl.

Adriana was our real-life Spanish explorer. She was a wonderful guest and could not have been lovelier. She even complimented me on my Spanish rice, which I made using a boxed mix from Walmart. That, dear readers, is high praise.

Since Columbus discovered America, I decided to ask Adriana what she discovered while visiting Shelbyville.

She gave me this list:

• Cagney’s Pizza! I didn’t understand why anyone would put a taco on a pizza, but I discovered that I love taco pizza.
• Blue River Bowl, I really enjoyed bowling, even though I guttered a lot.
• Attending the Indiana Derby. I’m glad everyone seems to be happy that the Spanish brought horses to America.
• I attended a WNBA game in Indianapolis. It was very exciting.
• The Grover Museum
• Three Sisters Bookstore and Café
• The Joseph fountain and Balser statue
• The friendly people of Shelbyville
• Getting to be in the 4^th of July Parade in Waldron and watching the fireworks
• “The Helbing” (Kris, I put this in the list just for you)

Trigger Warning: If you are one of those people still angry after 600 years that Columbus discovered America, you better stop reading now. You see, King Felipe VI shares a genetic thread with King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella.

As you know, Spain sponsored Columbus’s voyage, which led to him claiming land for the Spanish Crown. The first place he landed was an island he named Hispaniola.

Today, it is shared by the Dominican Republic and Haiti. Voodoo didn’t arrive until later.

Speaking of exploration, Ponce de León was the first Spaniard to visit Florida in his quest for the Fountain of Youth. Since then, retirees have flocked to the state, discovering endless golf courses and retirement communities, but still no magical spring. (Although, if you squint at a shimmering pool in Boca Raton, you might get close.)

Adriana wasn’t aware that certain Americans are still up in arms about Columbus "discovering" the New World. With Spanish history spanning millennia, I suppose there's only so much room in their textbooks. Priorities must be made.

With school looming and her return to Spain imminent, we thought a quick trip to Florida was fitting. After all, Spain ruled over Florida for more than 300 years before it became a state, so in many ways, it was a symbolic homecoming.

Or, if you are one of those Columbus haters and you are still reading this, I suppose it was a return to the scene of the crime.

Ponce de León named it La Florida, claimed it for Spain, and laid the groundwork. St. Augustine, founded in 1565, remains the oldest continuously occupied European settlement in the United States.

Today’s photo is Adriana at the Spanish fort in St. Augustine, Florida.

Adriana has now returned home. She says everyone should visit Spain. However, if you can’t, St. Augustine is a reasonable facsimile. The narrow brick streets and stone architecture resemble many coastal Spanish towns.

Adios.

See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.